A Seminarian's Journey

“My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish. No one can take them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one can take them out of the Father’s hand. The Father and I are one.” John 10:27-30

While I was away on vacation, waiting for the bus a herd of sheep came nearby to graze in the fields, oblivious to the fact that I was there. Finding some grass here or there never looking up to see where they were or where the shepherd was, they just kept their heads down and moving to where they could find more grass. While this was happening I was watching the shepherd – yes he had a staff in his hand, and was just standing by the road. Whenever a sheep would wander to close to the road, the shepherd would make a noise, and the sheep would go back to the pack. If the sheep was really insistent, the shepherd would use the stick to guide the sheep back.

You know why the shepherd carries the staff with a hook on the end? Because sheep all to often will eat themselves right over a cliff. Sounds pretty dumb, right? But it’s true, sheep will walk right over a cliff and will need to be caught by the shepherd. If a sheep is found wandering too much, the shepherd is taught to break the hind legs of the sheep, and then carries the sheep back to the rest of the herd on his own back. This is the image of the good shepherd, and indeed this is the image Jesus uses with us.

The image of the shepherd is key for this sunday’s readings, on Good Shepherd Sunday. The shepherd always stood between the sheep and the dangerous obstacle, and was always attentive to the one that put itself in the most immanent danger. This is what the Lord does for us. We celebrate today, Jesus, who shepherds us, who keeps us from falling into danger, who calls us when we are about to stray. Bishop Fulton Sheen said that God whispers in our joys, speaks in our conscience, and Shouts to us in our pain. God whispers to us in our joys, speaks in our conscience, and shouts in our pain. I write it twice because it should give us pause. On Good Shepherd Sunday we are filled with the blessed assurance that God has first called us, you and I, by name. In doing so, He offered us the assurance that we can never be out of reach, so long as we allow ourselves to be His. That even in weakness when we find we are lost and have nowhere else to turn, we hear His voice, calling us back to where we belong.

My friends, listening to Jesus is the surest hope that we can be free from a lot of confusion and brokenness in our lives. Hearing Him speak to you and I on a regular basis will keep us on track with greater ease. If we wait to turn to God when our lives are in chaos or when we are without all hope, we will be like the sheep who must be carried back. Sometimes we can get so far off the road that Jesus actually has to intervene, and carry us back to the fold on His own back with our legs broken so that we won’t run away again. You see, in the most trying times of our lives, when we feel the most alone or the most far away from God, it is likely that those are the moments when we are about to be carried by God back to where we should be. Following in the image of the shepherd, that experience can be painful – but we know that the pain can be healed, and the lesson can be learned. The good news and our hope is that Jesus will not let us just walk over the cliff, will not us simply fester in our sin. He will come, look for us, and carry us Himself so that we may be healed.

Have you ever heard the voice of Jesus in your life? Do you know what He sounds like? Have you heard Him in the silence of your heart, listened to His direction or felt the presence of God knock on your heart? In the world today, when we can be overwhelmed by the volume of “stuff” we take into our senses, its really a wonder we can hear anything God wants to say at all. Jesus’ words most often come in silence. To be ruled by God, to give Jesus permission over your life and mine, means to let Him enter in. It is all well and good to say, “I believe” but if we never take a moment to speak with Him in prayer, to sit with Him in silence, what good does our faith do for us? If we are willing to take the effort to call ourselves Christian, then why doesn’t He have the prime place in our lives? Why does the TV, radio, Internet take up so much of our day? If we do not let Him speak to us, how can we ever hope to listen?

So I challenge you – I challenge myself – to be more attentive to the voice of Jesus. Come to know it so well that even hearing Him whisper moves our heart to conversion. Let us always stay within an ear’s reach of Him, that we may be guided by Him, so that even if we wander, or lose sight of Him, His voice can bring us back!

All of us know what gratitude is. Despite the struggles and difficulties of life, we all know with gratitude comes a certain relief. Gratitude is what we celebrate today on this fourth Thursday of November; our Thanksgiving Day.

Each and every day, we should show our gratitude to God. In the Gospel reading at the Mass today we heard about the ten lepers who were cleansed, and the one who came back to Jesus in order to give Him thanks. And so, for those of us who had the opportunity, we too, ran to the feet of Christ, and thanked Him for His abundant blessings in our lives. We do it most profoundly by sharing in His life, in the Eucharist.

Do you know where we get the word Eucharist? We get the word from the Greeks – and their word Ευχαριστῶ (eucharisto) and it translates literally to, “thanksgiving”. Then, at the center of this word, ευχαριστω is the word χαρις (charis), which translates “grace.” And so we can say that grace stands at the heart of our thanksgiving.

As we should be thankful for family and friends, children and loved ones, reconciliation, and the food we will partake in later, all the more should we look into the heart of our thanksgiving and thank God for the spiritual graces that we have received from Him.

For all that we have is an outpouring of God’s grace and God’s generosity towards us. And as Catholics we recognize that He pours himself out for us even now.
So let us go a little bit deeper and look into the heart of God’s grace, into his love for us, his Charity. His love is what caused God to become like us, to spill his blood on the cross for our sins, and even now, make himself present to us in the Eucharist. This my friends, is what you and I are called to: not simply to give lip service or enjoy the precious time we have with our loved ones, but rather, to live the gospel message – to live the life of grace in our Charity towards others.

And so, if we are to live the heart of the Thanksgiving message (Eucharist), we must start by accepting God’s graciousness towards us, and feeling His presence with us in every task. Then, we are to be drawn out into the world in order to share His love, His very Life with the world.

Therefore, enter into the very heart of our thanksgiving. Enter into the life of Charity, and if you and I do, our thanksgiving will have a beating heart and will last not just today, but each and every day of our lives.

My grandfather made me a recommendation that I should share my own vocation story. I thought it a good idea considering how many people have been reading the blog from around the country, most of whom know very little about me. So, here we go:

Some of you might be surprised to hear that my vocation began with all of you and the compassionate heart of Jesus. About two thousand years ago, while he was walking, teaching, preaching and healing he saw a great crowd; “At the sight of the crowds his heart was moved with pity for them because they were troubled and abandoned, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “the harvest is abundant but the laborers are few; so ask the master of the harvest to send forth laborers into his harvest”. So, here it began, my vocation, with the promise of Jesus Himself to His beloved disciples, and your response in prayer.

My story begins here, with the seed of Jesus’ promise to the world, but my story is unique. Like a seed, each vocation needs to be planted in good soil, cared for – trimmed here and there – by someone who truly knows how: and so it was for me.

I was born into a wonderful family which had a lot to do with my vocational journey. Don’t be mistaken though, as some have, that my family “chose” this life for me. To make the mistake that God’s vocation lies solely in the parents’ choices then you run the risk of underwriting God’s creative plan. Indeed, you make the mistake of saying that a vocation to the priesthood is like another occupation, and fail to admit to the very fact that God, from the very beginning, created certain men to be priests after His own Son. That said – the support of my family made discernment a great deal less difficult in today’s world.

I always felt a strong draw to the Church. I always wanted to be active in it and live within the community that fostered Christian love. Even when I was very little I knew the church was something far greater than my home parish, and I knew – almost instinctively – that God dwelled there. I couldn’t tell you exactly what it was, but I was always interested in the Church.

As a family we went to Mass every Sunday. We prayed grace before every Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter meal and my mom always fostered a strong catechetical education throughout my childhood. In hindsight these years were not only formative but crucially so. I count it a great grace to have learned about God at such ann early age that God was able to plant the seed of faith into my heart when I was still (pardon the expression) fresh soil. I believe that my interior convictions about God and His Church, Jesus and His redemption, and the sacramental life all began to really form my inner life, even as a young child. So, I am truly grateful!

After making my first communion, Fr. Zinno at the time, asked us all if any were willing to serve at the Mass. I remember handing in the form very excited about getting more time at church. With some of my other classmates we learned how to carry the candle, walk with the cruets and hold the book. I was very excited when my name finally came on the schedule and I was called to serve Mass for the first time.

I’ll never forget sitting in this huge chair – so large that my knees couldn’t bend past the seat of the chair and my legs stuck straight out. Fr. Zinno still loves telling this to everyone he introduces me to today… Anyways, it was at this Mass when I was finally ready to hear the voice of God speak to me. It was at this Eucharist that I was finally able to feel the finger of God tap ever so gently on my heart. When the priest raised the host that day, I felt a deep conviction that I was going to be the priest. I had no idea what that meant at the time, but I remember that on that day, at eight years old, I KNEW God was calling me.

I’m really not someone special. This Friday we will hear the Gospel message that God calls the sinners and not the righteous. Truly, I believe it is because I am no-one special that God called me. Never did I feel that I was choosing this for myself. In fact, often times when I would ask how I could ever be the priest God calls me to be, but thanks be to God, when He calls, when He chooses, He makes perfect what is imperfect.

Throughout my grade school and high school years I always had this lingering feeling that God wanted me to be His priest. In fact, some used to call me Father Fleming and Father Nick growing up because they saw it too. I suppose too that God might have used those people to keep the thought always fresh in my mind.

As I finished my final year of High school I knew God was definitely calling me. Did I have my doubts at times? Yes, of course! Did I think that maybe I’d be happier doing something else? Yes, of Course! But when it came down to it, the only peace I found was in filling out the enormously long application to the seminary.

In 2007 I graduated High school an average student. I entered Our Lady of Providence seminary the following September enrolled at Rhode Island College. In my second year I transferred to Providence College (catholic school) where I graduated recently in 2011. Graduating College, I still felt a strong pull to the priesthood. Sure, I still had some doubts, but I knew that trusting in the Lord’s work  I could be a priest.

At the end of minor Seminary (college seminary) we were all called into the bishop’s office for a meeting. One by one we received our assignments for further studies. If you haven’t figured it out by now, seminary formation is a LONG process. The bishop decided that I would take up residence at the Pontifical North American College here in Rome, and I would study at another Dominican School, the Angelicum University.

So, that brings me to today. God is good. He calls those whom He has chosen to be His priests, and today, stronger then ever I feel the conviction that God has called me to his priesthood.  St. John Marie-Vianney said, “The priesthood is the love of the heart of Jesus” and truly this heart has transformed my life. It is a great desire for me to love as He did, to minister to His people, and to marry my future bride, the Church whom I have loved all of my life.

God Bless you All and thanks for reading!
Nick

Well, it’s already that time: I’ve finished my first year of Theological studies at the Pontifical North American College.

I want to thank all of you for your prayers. Transitioning to life in Rome proved to be a little bit more difficult than I could have expected, but with the support of your prayers and personal sacrifices, I received the Lord’s guiding care.

I keep looking back at the day when I stepped onto the plane, tears in my mom and grandparent’s eyes, and knowing nothing about the future that God had in store for me. My world was turned upside-down; I was moving away from friends, family, the comfort of being close to home. I had to learn a new language, a new culture (to which I’m still adjusting) and of course, the typical Italian laissez-faire attitude that predominates most of their activity. Of course, the hardest thing about living here was leaving behind friends, family, and my Holy Ghost parish family, that I love behind. I owe a lot to my close friends and family who supported me and prayed for me during this year: you know who you are. Know I am eternally grateful, and I offer many prayers of thanksgiving for your friendship on this side of heaven.

So, what did the Lord do in my life over this past year? First, He gave me a real sense of peace. Being so far away, I was forced to really rely on the Lord and his abiding presence with me, both in my own spiritual awareness of His work in the world, but also in the Eucharist. The Eucharist is the source and summit of the Christian life because the Christian life is communion with Christ. The communion we share with Christ is what manifests love in our hearts and perfects us for what we were created to be. The Lord in the Blessed Sacrament opens us to true fellowship with one another by allowing us to be united (in a very spiritual and sacramental way) to each other, all the saints in Heaven, and the Holy Trinity.

When I look at the tabernacle or gaze into the heart of Jesus during adoration I realize that He REMAINS. Indeed, He is the ONLY thing that remains. Amidst all of the changes in this world, the loss, the pain, the trials and the joys Christ ALWAYS REMAINS! This year when I struggled with the language, the culture, or just wishing I could be home to spend time with my loved ones, it was Christ (and of course the support of my friends and family) that opened my heart to greater love. For the greatest kind of love is the one that remains steadfast, is sacrificial, and will never pass away! Surely this love is the love of the heart of Jesus, and God willing, with just a few more years of learning about His love, I will be able to spread that same love back home!

This summer I will be teaching in Taiwan, just south of Taipei. I will be living at a local Catholic Parish which serves the community by offering English lessons at various levels. One of my many responsibilities will be helping in the parish and teaching some of these English lessons. So, for the next couple of weeks I will be brushing up on my grammar and trying to lose the good ol’ Rhode Island accent. We’ll see how long I can keep myself from saying things like ca’ and chowda’.

Thank you again for all of your constant support and prayers. Just think, next year at this time, I’ll be heading back home for some good ol’ Rhode Island good eats and some much needed time in my beloved state of Rhode Island!

God Bless,

Nick